“How Hillary would rock the vote.” April 30, 2008
Discusses the interview with Gary Brewer, the professional rock, paper, scissors player from “The Quick Fix.” Also discusses Howard’s trip to Israel.
Leads in with this:
Tuesday. Zouzou comes into the kitchen for breakfast.
“Look,” I say, “I went out early and bought you raisin bread.”
“I hate raisin bread,” she says.
“You love raisin bread,” I remind her.
“Maybe when I was four years old,” she says.
The next thing I know, I’m picking raisins out of bread. It is a slow, undignified process.
Classic Goldstein.
“McRibs I Have Known.” Wednesday, April 23, 2008
Contains Karpatian wisdom on McRibs and the origins of a bit with ZouZou while watching Aladdin, which I believe appears in “Klosterman’s Questions” (could be wrong). Declares McRibs the “most postmodern item on the McDonald’s menu.”
Per Josh:
“The McRib is fleeting, but, unlike the morning dew, its ephemerality is meant to stir anxiety in the hearts of men. One knows that any day one might walk into McDonald’s and the McRib will no longer be there– so one feels the need to seize the day before it is driven back into oblivion. It’s like the green Shamrock Shake, but without the stabilizing tie-in of a St. Patrick’s Day.”
“Tic Tacs: Next in Line for the Throne?” May 7, 2008
Reveals that it’s spelled Hettie, not “Heady” as I had assumed. I guess it makes sense not to have someone’s nickname be an actual adjective (“High in alcohol, very full-bodied”).
Ends with this, seemingly in response to the above note re: McRibs, if it were not published nearly a month in advance:
I walk out of the store with my beer and pretzels, looking forward to the simplicity of drinking a beer, which is a beer, and eating pretzels, which are pretzels.
Note: it appears that Karpatian is already a word with a pre-existing meaning other than “of or originating from Joshua Karpati.” But for all purposes in this blog, you can assume that it means this.
