Anticipation

CBC’s promoing the next episode with a new ringtone on Wiretap’s MySpace page. It’s a dance/trance remix of some Dina Goldstein quotes and it’s called “I’m Jonathan Goldstein’s Mother.”  I highly recommend it. It seems inspired by “The Greatest Phone Message Ever.” Especially since this Sunday’s episode is called:

“I Can’t Find the Books”

Because they must be in La Jolla, right? You really should listen to that This American Life episode. It’s classic, though slightly less shrill, Karpati in it. Here’s the blurb for the next Wiretap episode:

This week on WireTap, Jonathan finds himself double-booked. Having been scheduled to introduce an experimental art band at the CBC, but having also promised to take his 8 year-old goddaughter honey-tasting, find out who he shares the day with and who he leaves high and dry. Plus, Jonathan’s mother makes her debut in the world of avant-garde music.

Sadly, the link for the promo seems to be broken, so I can’t identify any other guests for you. 

Guess we’ll just have to stay tuned.

 

On another note, check out some of these lyrics from the band The Books:

If Not Now, Whenever

 

Can we talk some more?
I don’t know.
I don’t either.
Monday. January.
Independent!
I’d like to go home and go to sleep,
I’d like to go home and go to sleep.
And you’re running down.
And you’re running down.
And your head is made of clouds, but your feet are made of ground.
And you’re running down.
You are cursed with a curse.
If you work very hard, my boy, some day you may become, uhm… women.
(eh he he, bless you, eh hee hee hee ha)
Ceçi n’est pas une pipe.
Yeah!
How are you doing today, I’m not doing ok.
I’ve got a cramp in my left arm.
Change me, change me (oh oh oh)
And I feel like hell. Uh huh, well why don’t you go home to bed, heh eh em.
Sssssssssssseven.
And you’re running down. Ssssssssss.
And you’re running down. (the books)
And your head is made of clouds, but your feet are made of ground.
Aaaarghhhhhh.
And you’re running down. (oioioioi)
And crash! The angel of death!
I am the angel of death.
I am the angel of death.
January, our nation is drifting,
strange situation, Monday.
I wonder if I could? Of course you can.
I don’t know. True.
I have tried.
Will you try still harder now?
(the situation there is too confused,
what is this, what’s he talking about)
I will try to.
(What? Me? No. We need you, for a long long long moment all was silent, you make it sound as though I would be a…, it must have been a terrible time, Do not go, is it really you, I have only one passion, yes father, what was his name again, I don’t understand, it is he, thank you, of course, no father, well thank you, very well, the situation there is too confused, what is this, what’s he talking about What? Me? No. We need you, you make it sound as though I would be uhh…, it must have been a terrible time, Do not go, the tears streamed out of my eyes, we have done everything, in every sense of the word, heh, so you’ve said and so you’ve done, there are three… no four books, why not, please, heh heh heh heh, yes I see, you’ve, uh, phrased that very well.)
Ahhhhh Books. yes yes that’s true.
The books. I can’t find the books, they must be in La Jolla.
And your head is made of clouds, but your feet are made of ground.
and you’re running down.
I had stayed up for 46 hours in a row.
Yeah!
(ewl zsssh)

 

 

Props.

Some Genesis

So.

Most of Jonathan’s National Post articles end up being Wiretap episodes. Here’s one that ended up a Youtube video:

Wednesday. Gregor is visiting from San Francisco. I am waiting with him on a street corner for a cab to take him back to the airport. We wait many minutes and still, no cabs stop.

“I don’t get it,” Gregor says. “Usually taxis get all horny for you when you’ve got luggage.”

As we wait, Gregor tells me the story of all the pains he went through to get this particular piece of luggage. To hear him tell it, it was like The Lord of the Rings — but with stores.

“Put it this way,” he says. “Any shmuck can pop out a baby, but not just anyone can choose the right suitcase.”

A taxi finally pulls up and I move in to hug Gregor. He blocks me with his suitcase, which I take from him and begin to carry to the trunk of the cab. He stops me.

“A piece of luggage like this sits beside you,” he says.

Later that night, I watch a Simpsons DVD while listening to the commentary track. In it, Matt Groening describes going to Disneyland with his friends and spending the whole day talking like Mickey Mouse. One more reason to feel jealous of Matt Groening: He has the indulgence of his friends. I sit on the couch absorbed in self-pity. And then, a thought: at least I have my shoelaces. They have yet to rip, and this week, that’s as close to a state of grace as I’m likely to get.

Here’s a link on Youtube.

Also, this video was referenced on “Time to Face the World.”

OH, speaking of that episode, the opening bit was from The White Shadow. Here it is in full:

Goldstein: You guys say Goldstein’s not as cool as you are, that he hasn’t any style. His style’s a joke, a bring-down, a put-down, an embarrassment. Well, you know what Goldstein says to that? TOUGH! That’s too damn bad! I tried to be like you guys, to be one of you, but you wouldn’t let me. You just shoved it back down my throat EVERY DAY this past season! Last seat on the bus? Goldstein’s not getting it. A party? A get-together? Let Goldstein hear about it for himself. Even the cafeteria. You guys make room for yourselves. Me? I gotta sit on a window sill, or maybe a chair with a tack on it. Well, no more. I’m tired of it! I’M SICK OF IT, MAN! UP TO HERE! From now on, from now on, I’m fighting for what’s mine, what’s RIGHTFULLY mine! And that means not having to come into this place with a knot in my stomach! I’m not quitting this team, either. This team means too much to me. But, I’m not changing myself one inch of what I am…for ANYBODY

More Summaries

Hello

I’ve updated with the following summaries:

• How I Became So Hostile
• Behind the Curtain
• A Fresh New Voice

I added the last one because about 66 percent of our hits lately have been people googling Starlee Kine and this episode has her playing an unhelpful customer service rep who won’t let Jonathan return his shrunken pants. Also tune in if you’d like to hear Jonathan and Gregor singing “Shaft.”

Treat Me Right

“Arctic Sunrise”

“Treat Me Right” was aired on March 11, 2007 and opens with Gregor prepping Jonathan Goldstein for a meeting with some TV execs. Won’t ruin the outcome here, but Gregor does call out Jonathan on one of his pronunciation quirks (“First of all, it’s Kafka, not ‘Calf-ka’”) and proclaims his own idea profoundly “meta.”

Next, Howard calls up Jonathan Goldstein ostensibly to discuss his new breakfast invention, the “Arctic Sunrise,” but then reveals that he is actually concerned about Josh’s rage. Together, Jonathan and Howard confront Josh in an episode as hilarious as the Howard-Gregor crossover in “Soulmate.”

Later, Jonathan consults a therapist (Katie Rich) and resolves to call his admiring cousin Kenny (Steve Waltien) who is super-pumped to go to Wizard World with Jonathan.

Finally, Jonathan, craving a bit of abuse, calls up a reliable source, which extends into the epilogue.

That’s it for this week. A good episode for those wishing to hear Josh at his rage-iest (coins the term “hate porn,” in the midst of his final tirade).

We also close out with Amy Winehouse’s “Rehab.”

OH and Howard references sandwiches again saying he bribed the CBC security guard, Maurice, with a ham and provolone sammich on whole wheat.

Summary of this episode.