Jonathan Goldstein, The Bible and You

Hello!

Just a heads up – the scoop on Jonathan Goldstein’s new book “Ladies and Gentlemen, The Bible!” plus a definitive guide on Jonathan’s radio retelling of the Bible via radio is …. HERE!

Things You Can Read

The award-winning piece from The Walrus “Samson and Delilah,” by Jonathan Goldstein. October 2004. Or, if reading makes you carsick, just listen to the similarly named Wiretap episode.

John Hodgman’s piece “Hello, I’m Famous,” in GQ. Or, if reading makes you carsick, you can just listen to it on This American Life.

K. Bye.

Anticipation

CBC’s promoing the next episode with a new ringtone on Wiretap’s MySpace page. It’s a dance/trance remix of some Dina Goldstein quotes and it’s called “I’m Jonathan Goldstein’s Mother.”  I highly recommend it. It seems inspired by “The Greatest Phone Message Ever.” Especially since this Sunday’s episode is called:

“I Can’t Find the Books”

Because they must be in La Jolla, right? You really should listen to that This American Life episode. It’s classic, though slightly less shrill, Karpati in it. Here’s the blurb for the next Wiretap episode:

This week on WireTap, Jonathan finds himself double-booked. Having been scheduled to introduce an experimental art band at the CBC, but having also promised to take his 8 year-old goddaughter honey-tasting, find out who he shares the day with and who he leaves high and dry. Plus, Jonathan’s mother makes her debut in the world of avant-garde music.

Sadly, the link for the promo seems to be broken, so I can’t identify any other guests for you. 

Guess we’ll just have to stay tuned.

 

On another note, check out some of these lyrics from the band The Books:

If Not Now, Whenever

 

Can we talk some more?
I don’t know.
I don’t either.
Monday. January.
Independent!
I’d like to go home and go to sleep,
I’d like to go home and go to sleep.
And you’re running down.
And you’re running down.
And your head is made of clouds, but your feet are made of ground.
And you’re running down.
You are cursed with a curse.
If you work very hard, my boy, some day you may become, uhm… women.
(eh he he, bless you, eh hee hee hee ha)
Ceçi n’est pas une pipe.
Yeah!
How are you doing today, I’m not doing ok.
I’ve got a cramp in my left arm.
Change me, change me (oh oh oh)
And I feel like hell. Uh huh, well why don’t you go home to bed, heh eh em.
Sssssssssssseven.
And you’re running down. Ssssssssss.
And you’re running down. (the books)
And your head is made of clouds, but your feet are made of ground.
Aaaarghhhhhh.
And you’re running down. (oioioioi)
And crash! The angel of death!
I am the angel of death.
I am the angel of death.
January, our nation is drifting,
strange situation, Monday.
I wonder if I could? Of course you can.
I don’t know. True.
I have tried.
Will you try still harder now?
(the situation there is too confused,
what is this, what’s he talking about)
I will try to.
(What? Me? No. We need you, for a long long long moment all was silent, you make it sound as though I would be a…, it must have been a terrible time, Do not go, is it really you, I have only one passion, yes father, what was his name again, I don’t understand, it is he, thank you, of course, no father, well thank you, very well, the situation there is too confused, what is this, what’s he talking about What? Me? No. We need you, you make it sound as though I would be uhh…, it must have been a terrible time, Do not go, the tears streamed out of my eyes, we have done everything, in every sense of the word, heh, so you’ve said and so you’ve done, there are three… no four books, why not, please, heh heh heh heh, yes I see, you’ve, uh, phrased that very well.)
Ahhhhh Books. yes yes that’s true.
The books. I can’t find the books, they must be in La Jolla.
And your head is made of clouds, but your feet are made of ground.
and you’re running down.
I had stayed up for 46 hours in a row.
Yeah!
(ewl zsssh)

 

 

Props.

Happy Birthday Mr. Goldstein

Today is Jonathan’s 39th birthday! How do I know? Because on the episode A World of Possibility, he reveals that his birthdate is 22. And in another episode – though I’m not sure which, he tells someone that his birthday month is August. And on Wikipedia, it says he was born in 1969…and…okay, just kidding I looked up his voting record from when he lived in Brooklyn.

He was born on Auguts 22, 1969.  He is a male.  There is some other information but none too interesting – except that he voted in the last presidential election, though I’d say he was probably living in Canada at the time. Sneaky, but we need all the help we can get.

Anyway, here’s to Jonathan Goldstein getting a little bit older and presumably a little bit wiser! In celebration, I suggest you go listen to his early work:

“It’s Not the Heat, It’s the Humility” from This American Life episode aired August 17, 2001.

Jonathan Goldstein heads into an environment that’s so hot that they people there believe that sweating — simply sweating — is getting something accomplished. Life in the Division Street Russian Bath turns out to follow a different — and superior — set of rules to life elsewhere. Jonathan’s the author of the novel Lenny Bruce is Dead. (14 minutes)

An audio diary from his road trip that spawned the Schmelvis book and movie, aired on CBC Dispatches on June 12, 2002.

We’re not saying Elvis is dead. But just visit his and you can see that if the fried peanut butter-and-banana sandwiches didn’t get him, the decor at Graceland surely did.

A lot of fans make that pilgrimage every summer on the anniversary of Elvis’s death — in a quest to recall the more innocent times, and the fundamental values he has come to embody.

This year is a big one — the 25th anniversary of the day The King died on the throne.

Two summers ago, Montreal writer Jonathan Goldstein hosted a CBC-Radio show called Road Dot Trip — and one of his trips was in a Winabego to Memphis, with a crew of Montreal filmmakers — during pilgrimage week.

Among the candlelight vigils, the souvenir shops and the Elvis impersonation contests, Jonathan unearthed some inner secrets of the soul of America, and its King.

And you can do some reading, too:

Jonathan’s contribution to Paul Tough’s Open Letters:

We Never Got Along.

Paul Tough (who was interviewed by Howard in “Canadian Content” and “Helping Johnny“) actually mentioned the above Schmelvis piece in his intro to JG’s open letter:

More recently, he’s become a radio guy. This evening, in fact, the second episode of a new radio program he hosts will be aired on CBC radio. It’s called Road Dot Trip. The idea is that he’s going to spend the summer traveling across Canada, interviewing people and recounting adventures. Open Letters contributing editor Deirdre Dolan wrote about the show in the National Post; you can read her story, and see a picture of Jonathan looking tough, here.

Sadly, that link is broken. He also references an “unpublished” novel by Jonathan which, also sadly never saw the light of day (unless it eventually became Lenny Bruce is Dead). If so, then here’s some more Wiretap trivia: Jonathan Goldstein’s novel was originally titled “The Last Comedian.”

And then of course, there’s the Jonathan Goldstein Transom radio manifesto.  Check it.

Update: Break Ups

So, This American Life must’ve chosen to re-run the Break Up episode for its timeliness. Check the news:

Report: Phil Collins Breaks Divorce Payout Record in Split From Third Wife

Collins, 57, reportedly paid Orianne Cevey, 35, $46.68 million, topping the Heather Mills-Paul McCartney divorce by $1 million.

The couple, who met while Collins was on tour, announced their separation in 2006.

At least he’s making a living off all of these break ups. As of 2002, he’s sold something like 150 million records. That doesn’t make me hate that damn song from Tarzan any less, though.